True Love Still Waits

My sister is finally married! It was nothing short of amazing and glorious and I thank the Lord for what He had set that day. At the age of 27, she married her first and last boyfriend. That’s right. Her first and last.

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Truth be told, my sister is an impulsive type. What she wants, she wants to get it right away. I think that’s part of her dominant personality. But despite that personality in her, there was one thing that she made sure to wait for–the man she would spend the rest of her life with.

In our generation today, everything is instant already even in relationships. Ever heard of instant boyfriend/girlfriend? But looking at my sister’s story, I can say that the line “true love waits” is still very much alive even at this time.

True love waits for the right timing. Actually, no one will be able to tell the exact and right timing in finding love. Only God knows that. But we have to understand that right timing requires being patient. More often than not, we jump into relationships without considering the moment. That’s why a lot of people would say that they met someone but just at the wrong time.

My sister waited patiently for the right time. She had a couple of suitors back when she was still studying but she knew that it was just not the right time to be in a relationship yet. School was a top priority, not love life. And this brings us to the second point.

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True love waits for the right season. It’s so important to know the season we are in. If you’re still a student, your season is about being a student. If you’re trying to get a job, then perhaps your season is getting your career started. There is a right season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1)–season of being single, getting married, starting a family and the list goes on.

My sister met her  husband at a season in her life that she considered fitting already to engage in a relationship. She was already a nurse then and so was her husband. She was ready for it. And I think that’s how God wants us to be–to be prepared by Him spiritually, emotionally, financially, mentally and physically.

True love waits for the right person. The thing is, right timing and right season will not make sense if you don’t have the right person. You can be at a season for marriage but if you are with the wrong person, it’s never going to be easy. There is no secret formula to finding the one. That is why we need God’s leading in this area. I have actually written about this already and you can check it here.

I know we all want things to be fast. But may we remember to exclude love with that because waiting for true love has not gone out of style.

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This Is Why I Proposed

Hey guys! I’m taking the backseat for this post as my now fiancé, Coco, is going to be taking over. As many already know, we got engaged last February and it was such a memorable day for us. And after almost 3 months, here he is sharing to you all his thoughts.qqq

Hey there! This is Coco and I finally proposed to Charm after 1 year and 7 months of being together. You might ask, “Isn’t that a little too fast?” Well, it looks like it but I can give you three out of the many reasons on why I finally decided to pop the question to my then girlfriend now fiancée.

Actually, there are several reasons including my love and admiration for her. But what I want to share right now are not just mere reasons but lessons I’ve learned along the way as a man pursuing a woman. For starters, proposing to Charm has a lot to do with how I see my parent’s relationship. 

 Growing up, I’ve seen the love and affection my parents shared with each other and for me that’s a blessing that I will always be thankful for. Maybe at times, like any other couple, they also have misunderstandings, but primarily, I have seen their relationship being strong. In fact, they just recently celebrated their 27th anniversary! For that reason, one of my “#relationshipgoals” is to have a relationship with my future wife somewhat same as theirs.

And so, packed with inspiration from my parents and of course, right timing and a confirmation from God, I knelt down on one knee to ask Charm to marry me because:

I want a relationship with a purpose. Guys, if you are now in a relationship or if you are still pursuing a girl, ask yourself this question, “Why am I dating or pursuing her?” Maybe some of you would answer “I’m just in love” or “I am bored being single” or “for curiosity’s sake.” Some might even just date to try out as many girls as they can. But real men do not do that, only immature boys do. Real men protect the dignity of women.

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I’m not saying I’m clean and perfect in this area. I had my share of  pursuing with a wrong heart and a wrong purpose during my boyhood. At some point, we all had the wrong intentions in the past. But the good news is that we can still change to be the real man that God wants us to be. If we’re dating already, then it means that we are no longer young boys!

2 Timothy 2:22 says, “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

God wants us to be real men, and real men pursue a woman with the intent of getting married. If marriage is not the goal, then there is no sense in getting into a relationship. Real men have a relationship goal to marry and not just play games with her.

To all the ladies out there, if someone is pursuing you or you are dating someone, make sure to ask him, “Why are you pursuing me?” “What direction are we going to?” If the purpose is shallow, you know what to do.

I’ve found a wonderful woman. Men, we all want it, right? A wonderful woman to spend the rest of our lives with. But how do we really define a wonderful woman? Some may define it as Liza Soberano while some may say Pia Wurtzbach. Well, whoever they define it as, I define it as Charmaine Montes. Yihee! (haha)

Ladies, you are all wonderful (read Psalm 139:14). But nothing is more wonderful than a woman who is secured in Jesus. A wonderful woman is someone who  does not define herself with what others see on her–make-up, body, clothes, etc. She does not let her past define her and she doesn’t take self-pity because she knows that she is made and loved by a King. Also, a wonderful woman for me is someone who is still secure without a man because she knows her worth.

Men, I know, I know. We hope of marrying a woman who has the physical beauty and all but honestly, that’s actually just a bonus. The main deal is when you know her heart is set for Jesus first. My encouragement is that as men, have a relationship goal of finding a wonderful woman who seeks her identity from Christ rather than from the opinion of others. Where to find her? Pray for it, bro.

We’re on the same page. Being on the same page together–sharing the same values, beliefs, goals and principles in life–was a real deal for me. I knew that if I’m going to marry someone, it would have to be someone whom I can walk with along a journey with Jesus at the center. I believe that if the couple has an intimate relationship with Jesus, all the ultimate relationship goals will just follow.

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A relationship with Jesus as the foundation may sound too “churchy” but nothing beats a God-centered union. When two people both understand the love of Jesus, loving each other would be easier. I’m not saying that it’s going to be perfect but Mark 10:9 says, “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Actually, without Jesus at the center of our lives, none of the ideal relationships that we could think of would be possible.

 

 

The Beautiful Single Life

 

I’m a little late in welcoming the second month of the year because I’ve been so busy but nonetheless, hello February! This month is such a perfect excuse to go all out in writing about love and relationships so before we reach the 29th of February, that’s what I’m going to do.

And first on my list:  Talk about the beautiful single life.

As you all know, Valentine’s Day is coming up and I’m sensing that there are some single ladies out there who are sighing because they are currently “zero” in the “love life” area. Some may be even worried that they won’t receive anything. If you are that person, I’m going to tell you this–Stop it!

I’m not making you stop because it’s cheesy or corny or pitiful but because I want you to understand that singlehood is a very beautiful season and February 14 is just a day that will go by so quickly.

THE SINGLE LIFE STAGE

There is so much to love about being single and it will take a whole book if I’m going to write everything down. But just remember that this particular stage in life is a time that you can never get back once you get married or have children. Bye-bye to freedom, to I-can-do-whatever-I-want moments, to staying up late, to spending 90% of your budget to food, clothes and makeup, to making own decisions–you know what I mean. In short, “When the spouse doesn’t exist, you can’t hurt them with your selfless, impulsive decisions.” (Marshal Segal)

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I’m not putting a bad light on marriage here as if it is a scary place. Of course, not! It’s a beautiful season on its own as well. I dream to get married soon but I recently realized that before that day comes, I want to be able to maximize my single life–you know, the feeling of no big commitment to someone else yet.

And even if I am in a relationship right now to an awesome man, I consider myself single by papers and before God. That’s why I don’t want to act “wife” to him yet because that’s not a role I am called to do already. I am technically still single and I love embracing that fact. At this point, I want to savor every moment of the single life stage.

THANKING GOD FOR THIS SEASON

The truth is, sometimes I get impatient and try to ask God to let me move on to the next season already. But I realize that I have got to hit on the brakes! If I spend lots of time thinking so much about marriage, I might miss the good things in my current season.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to think about getting married and all. In fact, we should be praying about it as early as possible if we desire so. But I realized that where I am right now is a season that God has placed in my life to revel in and enjoy. Before, I say “I can’t wait to get married!” Right now, I’m praying, “Lord, thank you for this season of waiting. Let me enjoy this moment while preparing me at the same time for the next one.”

I read in one of Rica Peralejo’s blog post that “each season is beautiful and purposeful.” I couldn’t agree more.

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And at times I get impatient, I go back to the word in Ecclesiastes 3:1:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…”

If you are single, do not fret and do not rush. The Word says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

If you have been waiting for Mr. Right for so long already, do not worry. Use the time to reflect and be aware of how God is moving in this time of your life. God has a purpose for you in your current season. Find it out and embrace it.

If you are in a relationship with someone but not married yet, enjoy the season but at the same time treasure the person that God has blessed you with.

If you are dateless this coming Feb. 14, no problem, it’s going to be on a Sunday. Have your date with God in church. :p

Ladies, Don’t Give It All Just Yet!

Being in a relationship with someone is a beautiful thing. But if we don’t accompany it with wisdom, it may lead us to making wrong decisions and may even become the cause of our own downfall. That is why, ladies, unless you are married to the person you are in a relationship with, don’t give it all just yet!

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This does not mean that you give love and care halfheartedly. It only means that since you are still not tied together by marriage, it’s important that you put boundaries in your relationship. There are certain couple privileges that can only be attained within the bounds of marriage. Let’s not try to make our own rules.

Get to know each other better

The stage that you are in is basically the time to get to know each other better.

  • That’s the time you stir up each other with nothing other than conversations about interests, goals, dreams and life stories.
  • If you have just known each other, it’s the perfect time to catch up on the big and small things that has happened in your life.
  • It’s the time you spend getting to know each other’s family and friends.
  • It’s the time of discovering each other’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as random things that you could think of saying or joking about.
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Personally, I think this stage is just a wonderful one. It’s in these times that you create moments together as singles.

Respecting each other’s privacy

Just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you have to share everything and constantly be together. A lot of relationships end up down the drain because of “suffocation” or too much control that it sometimes end up being unhealthy. It’s best to respect each other’s privacy while you are both single as it promotes more love and trust with each other.

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WIFE, submit yourself to your husband.

I hope you noticed the emphasis on the word wife right there. Sometimes we tend to be that woman who gives it all. We tend to be that woman who plays a role that we are not even called to do yet. Unless he has already put a ring on it, don’t be a wife. Save it for the real thing.

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By the way, this whole submission thing to your husband is pretty controversial so that’s going to be another whole new post if ever I do get to it (although I don’t think it will be any time soon since I’m not a wife yet!).

Seek individually.

Praying together is a great thing to do together. But while we are still in the process of waiting for God’s perfect timing, it is best to seek God individually. It is best to hear more from what God has to say. Just because you are already in a relationship, doesn’t mean you should stop seeking Him about it. No. All the more that you should seek.

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Saving the best for the right time.

In every relationship, touch is essential. In fact, touch is therapeutic. But while we show love by our touch, it’s important to remember to never cross the line or better yet, don’t even think of going there.

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There are certain things that we need to save for marriage and yes, I’m talking about sex. The world calls “saving yourself” for marriage old-fashioned but the Word says otherwise. This is not about the pride of being a virgin on the night of your honeymoon. It’s about honoring God with your body, obeying Him because you love Him. When you wait for the right time, you reap its rewards. There is glory in waiting! #trueLovewaits

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Do you think this is way too ideal? Well, I think so too. But by the grace of God, this is possible. It is possible to to put up these boundaries in our relationship. It is possible to love and respect your partner by God’s standards. It is possible to remain pure while waiting. It is possible not to give it all just yet!

The Guy Who Loves You More But Loves You Second

Although I’ve heard it several times already, it was only when I read Maricar and Richard Poon’s post that convinced me that a man should love woman more than woman loves the man. It may sound selfish or unequal to some of you but that may only be true if you look it that way. As a woman who is wired or designed to be pursued relentlessly, I couldn’t agree more with the Poons’ write-up.

I’m actually grateful Coco had shown me so much care and love throughout the one year that has already passed by. It’s not perfect but I could see clearly (and like really clearly!) how genuine he is with his intentions towards me. In my own judgement, his continuous pursuit and consistent display of love and affection matches that “man who loves his woman more.”

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This does not mean that I love him less. God knows my heart. It’s actually kinda like this analogy—women are like flowers. When you give tender, love and care, as well as attention, no doubt it would bloom into a very beautiful one. In the same way, a woman blooms when she knows she is a man’s important priority.

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As a result, the woman will nag less, offer support and even admire her man more. And in turn the man will also love her more. A beautiful cycle, don’t you think? I myself can testify to this.

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But here’s the catch: I want to be his second love onlywith God as his first.

  • You see, when a man loves God above all else, he will be able to love others better.
  • When he makes God the leader of his manhood, he will take the challenge of what it means to be a real man.
  • He will not resort to violence and have self-control because he knows his actions are accountable to God.
  • It will be easy for him to show respect and value purity.
  • He will not play games or have wrong intentions for the relationship.
  • He will be humble in his ways because he knows pride brings disgrace but with humility comes wisdom.
  • He will lead you closer to God by reading the Bible and also taking time to pray for you.
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  • He will uphold integrity and good leadership not only in his family but also in his work or field of expertise.
  • He will have long-term goals for the future including marriage and starting a family, as well as take responsibility or man up for everything that comes his way.
  • He is strong because his strength comes from God and he is fearless because his refuge is his Creator.

And he knows that all of these things are possible not on his own but only by the grace of God.

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And so, I don’t mind being a second love just as long God comes first.

You can never really go wrong with a man of strong faith.

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Forevermore: Where Did Alex Go Wrong?

With the hype of Forevermore still lingering on, I thought I should share something about Alex’s (played by Erich Gonzales) downfall.

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Honestly, I only started watching the most talked TV show two weeks before its finale. I wasn’t really there to witness the whole Xander-Agnes love story. I only got interested when I found out Erich (a favorite local actress of mine) was playing a role as “Alex”, the perky, jolly and without any doubt very confident veterinarian. She met Xander when he was at his lowest point and Alex acted like some sort of lifesaver trying to make him smile or laugh with her very…well, not so sophisticated jokes.

Don’t get me wrong. Alex was lovable. Her positive disposition was highly infectious. She was kind, radiant and caring (especially to animals of all sorts). She could easily blend in with people. If she were real, any man would love her as she is. So how could Xander just leave her like that? 


This is where Alex might have gone wrong.

There was this one episode, if you remember, when she willingly admitted that it was her who made a first move on Xander. It was her asking him out on a date and it was her chasing after him. To simply put, she was “courting” him. Now, I have nothing against that. I mean, who am I to judge? But ladies, we need to remember that we were not designed to pursue men because it’s supposed to go the other way around. It’s so important for you to realize what the Designer intended when He created you.

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You might be thinking, “What guys can do, girls can do better!” Well maybe—maybe not. But according to the Bible, roles aren’t based on who is more proficient or able, or whose turn it is, or who wants to have a go at it. We need to understand the roles that have been assigned to us as women.


The Leadership Role

Amongst the various roles appointed to men and women in the Bible, men are appointed the role of LEADERSHIP. This is actually true in the church and in the family. But this does not mean male superiority or greater significance of men. It is simply God’s purpose and assignment of equally valuable roles among spiritually equal beings. Men initiate, women respond. 


Nature of Men

One thing I noticed about some men is that when they want something so bad, they will do anything to get it! In fact, they may never even stop until they finally get what they want. It can be the same when they want to win the heart of the woman they love. They’d put out extra effort and go out the extra mile just to get and hear the sweet sound of “YES”. When they do such pursuit, it means that you are that valuable. You are that worth it. And every woman should be. Girl, you are a Tiffany diamond, remember that! Read more here.

“But men can be so passive! They take too long to make the move. I’d like to put matters in my own hands.”

How many of you had to go through this thought because this one guy just won’t budge? And why isn’t he doing anything anyway? Well, there can be two possible reasons: 

1.) He’s just really shy or waiting for the perfect timing.
2.) He’s just really not into you. 

Assuming you’re in situation 1, you have to remember what love is. 1 Corinthians 13:4 tells us, “Love is patient…”

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I know it wasn’t entirely Alex’s fault. Xander, heavily heartbroken, also led her on thinking that entering into another relationship will perhaps fix his shattered heart. Both Xander and Alex had something to do with the demise of their short affair.

Anyway, to end, I just want you to remember this: Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” You are to be found. You are to be pursued.

It Starts In The Family

 

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This is my friend Aisha. Even though we’ve already parted ways after college, we’ve made a habit to update each other once in a while through Facebook. And earlier today, she shared to me about how God has been answering her prayers for her family. I was so happy to hear her testimony that it even became more like an eye opener to me about my own prayers for my family.

I think many of us can relate about praying for the salvation of our family members. Aisha is not an exception to that. Ever since she surrendered her life to Jesus Christ last year, she never miss to include her family in her prayers. In fact, during the prayer and fasting week at the beginning of the year, one of her faith goals was for her family to encounter the love of God the same way she had.

It seemed difficult considering her dad is a Muslim and her mom feared that if her father finds out about going to Victory Dumaguete, it’s going to cause a lot of conflict. Her two younger siblings were also hesitant about going with her to the service every time she invited them. But that didn’t stop her from praying for them.

“Pray without ceasing” 1 Thessalonians 5:17

She was also persistent with her invitations that eventually, her brother Omar finally went with her to the youth service. And on his first visit, he loved and enjoyed it! Imagine how happy Aisha must have felt. And although Omar was shy to mingle with the people at first, it was only a matter of time when he began to warm up to the idea of being discipled. Aisha’s sister, Amina, was more of a challenge to tag along because she was very busy with school and just didn’t feel like going. But as Aisha continued to pray, God was also working on Amina. It was as if God was knocking gently to the door of her heart, softening it, drawing her close to Him. She started with shy questions about the whole thing that eventually led to “okay, I’ll go with you to the youth service.”

If the two were my siblings, I probably would not be able to express the joy of having them both plugged to discipleship! The best part is that both Amina and Omar are going to start their one2one sessions already. Isn’t God amazing? Isn’t He surprising? Aisha, being the eldest, couldn’t be more excited for her dear siblings. We used to all live in the same boarding house before and knowing now what God has been doing in their lives is making me excited for them as well!

No doubt, God hears our prayers! Nothing is ever impossible with Him even though it may seem like it to us. Aisha’s testimony reminds us that our calling to spread the Good News starts in the family. And even though it may be hard, nothing is ever too hard for God.

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As of now, Aisha continues to pray for her family especially for her parents. In God’s perfect timing, they too will encounter God. Let us never cease to pray for our family—for mom, dad, ate, kuya, little siblings, tita, tito, cousins, grandparents—because with God nothing is impossible.

 

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 (Aisha, Omar and Amina)