The Beautiful Single Life

 

I’m a little late in welcoming the second month of the year because I’ve been so busy but nonetheless, hello February! This month is such a perfect excuse to go all out in writing about love and relationships so before we reach the 29th of February, that’s what I’m going to do.

And first on my list:  Talk about the beautiful single life.

As you all know, Valentine’s Day is coming up and I’m sensing that there are some single ladies out there who are sighing because they are currently “zero” in the “love life” area. Some may be even worried that they won’t receive anything. If you are that person, I’m going to tell you this–Stop it!

I’m not making you stop because it’s cheesy or corny or pitiful but because I want you to understand that singlehood is a very beautiful season and February 14 is just a day that will go by so quickly.

THE SINGLE LIFE STAGE

There is so much to love about being single and it will take a whole book if I’m going to write everything down. But just remember that this particular stage in life is a time that you can never get back once you get married or have children. Bye-bye to freedom, to I-can-do-whatever-I-want moments, to staying up late, to spending 90% of your budget to food, clothes and makeup, to making own decisions–you know what I mean. In short, “When the spouse doesn’t exist, you can’t hurt them with your selfless, impulsive decisions.” (Marshal Segal)

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I’m not putting a bad light on marriage here as if it is a scary place. Of course, not! It’s a beautiful season on its own as well. I dream to get married soon but I recently realized that before that day comes, I want to be able to maximize my single life–you know, the feeling of no big commitment to someone else yet.

And even if I am in a relationship right now to an awesome man, I consider myself single by papers and before God. That’s why I don’t want to act “wife” to him yet because that’s not a role I am called to do already. I am technically still single and I love embracing that fact. At this point, I want to savor every moment of the single life stage.

THANKING GOD FOR THIS SEASON

The truth is, sometimes I get impatient and try to ask God to let me move on to the next season already. But I realize that I have got to hit on the brakes! If I spend lots of time thinking so much about marriage, I might miss the good things in my current season.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to think about getting married and all. In fact, we should be praying about it as early as possible if we desire so. But I realized that where I am right now is a season that God has placed in my life to revel in and enjoy. Before, I say “I can’t wait to get married!” Right now, I’m praying, “Lord, thank you for this season of waiting. Let me enjoy this moment while preparing me at the same time for the next one.”

I read in one of Rica Peralejo’s blog post that “each season is beautiful and purposeful.” I couldn’t agree more.

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And at times I get impatient, I go back to the word in Ecclesiastes 3:1:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…”

If you are single, do not fret and do not rush. The Word says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

If you have been waiting for Mr. Right for so long already, do not worry. Use the time to reflect and be aware of how God is moving in this time of your life. God has a purpose for you in your current season. Find it out and embrace it.

If you are in a relationship with someone but not married yet, enjoy the season but at the same time treasure the person that God has blessed you with.

If you are dateless this coming Feb. 14, no problem, it’s going to be on a Sunday. Have your date with God in church. :p

Ladies, Don’t Give It All Just Yet!

Being in a relationship with someone is a beautiful thing. But if we don’t accompany it with wisdom, it may lead us to making wrong decisions and may even become the cause of our own downfall. That is why, ladies, unless you are married to the person you are in a relationship with, don’t give it all just yet!

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This does not mean that you give love and care halfheartedly. It only means that since you are still not tied together by marriage, it’s important that you put boundaries in your relationship. There are certain couple privileges that can only be attained within the bounds of marriage. Let’s not try to make our own rules.

Get to know each other better

The stage that you are in is basically the time to get to know each other better.

  • That’s the time you stir up each other with nothing other than conversations about interests, goals, dreams and life stories.
  • If you have just known each other, it’s the perfect time to catch up on the big and small things that has happened in your life.
  • It’s the time you spend getting to know each other’s family and friends.
  • It’s the time of discovering each other’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as random things that you could think of saying or joking about.
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Personally, I think this stage is just a wonderful one. It’s in these times that you create moments together as singles.

Respecting each other’s privacy

Just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you have to share everything and constantly be together. A lot of relationships end up down the drain because of “suffocation” or too much control that it sometimes end up being unhealthy. It’s best to respect each other’s privacy while you are both single as it promotes more love and trust with each other.

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WIFE, submit yourself to your husband.

I hope you noticed the emphasis on the word wife right there. Sometimes we tend to be that woman who gives it all. We tend to be that woman who plays a role that we are not even called to do yet. Unless he has already put a ring on it, don’t be a wife. Save it for the real thing.

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By the way, this whole submission thing to your husband is pretty controversial so that’s going to be another whole new post if ever I do get to it (although I don’t think it will be any time soon since I’m not a wife yet!).

Seek individually.

Praying together is a great thing to do together. But while we are still in the process of waiting for God’s perfect timing, it is best to seek God individually. It is best to hear more from what God has to say. Just because you are already in a relationship, doesn’t mean you should stop seeking Him about it. No. All the more that you should seek.

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Saving the best for the right time.

In every relationship, touch is essential. In fact, touch is therapeutic. But while we show love by our touch, it’s important to remember to never cross the line or better yet, don’t even think of going there.

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There are certain things that we need to save for marriage and yes, I’m talking about sex. The world calls “saving yourself” for marriage old-fashioned but the Word says otherwise. This is not about the pride of being a virgin on the night of your honeymoon. It’s about honoring God with your body, obeying Him because you love Him. When you wait for the right time, you reap its rewards. There is glory in waiting! #trueLovewaits

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Do you think this is way too ideal? Well, I think so too. But by the grace of God, this is possible. It is possible to to put up these boundaries in our relationship. It is possible to love and respect your partner by God’s standards. It is possible to remain pure while waiting. It is possible not to give it all just yet!

The Guy Who Loves You More But Loves You Second

Although I’ve heard it several times already, it was only when I read Maricar and Richard Poon’s post that convinced me that a man should love woman more than woman loves the man. It may sound selfish or unequal to some of you but that may only be true if you look it that way. As a woman who is wired or designed to be pursued relentlessly, I couldn’t agree more with the Poons’ write-up.

I’m actually grateful Coco had shown me so much care and love throughout the one year that has already passed by. It’s not perfect but I could see clearly (and like really clearly!) how genuine he is with his intentions towards me. In my own judgement, his continuous pursuit and consistent display of love and affection matches that “man who loves his woman more.”

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This does not mean that I love him less. God knows my heart. It’s actually kinda like this analogy—women are like flowers. When you give tender, love and care, as well as attention, no doubt it would bloom into a very beautiful one. In the same way, a woman blooms when she knows she is a man’s important priority.

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As a result, the woman will nag less, offer support and even admire her man more. And in turn the man will also love her more. A beautiful cycle, don’t you think? I myself can testify to this.

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But here’s the catch: I want to be his second love onlywith God as his first.

  • You see, when a man loves God above all else, he will be able to love others better.
  • When he makes God the leader of his manhood, he will take the challenge of what it means to be a real man.
  • He will not resort to violence and have self-control because he knows his actions are accountable to God.
  • It will be easy for him to show respect and value purity.
  • He will not play games or have wrong intentions for the relationship.
  • He will be humble in his ways because he knows pride brings disgrace but with humility comes wisdom.
  • He will lead you closer to God by reading the Bible and also taking time to pray for you.
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  • He will uphold integrity and good leadership not only in his family but also in his work or field of expertise.
  • He will have long-term goals for the future including marriage and starting a family, as well as take responsibility or man up for everything that comes his way.
  • He is strong because his strength comes from God and he is fearless because his refuge is his Creator.

And he knows that all of these things are possible not on his own but only by the grace of God.

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And so, I don’t mind being a second love just as long God comes first.

You can never really go wrong with a man of strong faith.

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